No Bald Coochies: Why I Will Never Wax

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Why I Will Never Wax

I’m a proud member of the No Bald Coochies social club.

Our mission statement is simple: We, adult women of the No Bald Coochies social club, believe women should look like women and not pre-pubescent girls. We believe adults should be appropriately hairy and unless we embark on careers as actresses, models or porn stars there is no reason for any of us to subject ourselves to the barbaric practice of pouring hot wax on our lady parts and having the hair ripped out to achieve some ideal of beauty and cleanliness that has been completely manufactured by the beauty industry, perpetuated by men who watch too much porn and ultimately act as another system of control on women’s bodies.

Okay maybe our mission statement isn’t that simple, but you get the point. Waxing is a no, no and I can’t believe how what was once regulated to models, actresses, and yes porn stars has become a “normal” part of the grooming regime for so many women.

In college, I was working on a show, and one of my crew mentioned she shaved her lady parts bald. The rest of the female crew was shocked. Who the hell did that? Fast forward fifteen years and you have grown men telling women they aren’t worth sleeping with if their lady parts aren’t waxed bald.

Huh? You can’t sex a woman now or at the very least perform oral sex on a woman unless her lady parts resemble my six-year-olds? I’m sorry that ish ain’t normal, and I refuse to participate. And what’s more interesting are all the excuses men (and women) offer to explain the necessity of waxing:

  • Excuse: Well it’s more hygienic than having hair
    Reality: False, hair is more hygienic. It acts as the first line of defense against many diseases, helps prevent chaffing, locks in moisture, etc.
  • Excuse: It means a woman takes care of herself
    Reality: So unless I’m willing to torture myself with hot wax or other exfoliating methods I don’t take care of myself? Yeah. Get out of here with that.
  • Excuse: Well it makes oral sex easier. Hair gets in your teeth.
    Reality: Get a toothpick Negro. For generations men have survived eating the box when it was covered in foliage. Now 21st century Negros can’t make it happen? It’s not like hairy balls are the best thing to have in your mouth either, but a girl does what a girl has to do. Man Up. And get with the hair-gram.

And please spare me the preference argument. This “preference” didn’t start to manifest itself until the proliferation of Internet porn begin in the late 90’s. Prior to this most men outside of certain industries would have never seen a bald coochie, so they wouldn’t have known to prefer one.

Internet porn has done a number on us from the inability to know what real women’s bodies look like (breasts really don’t do that, even the perkiest ones have a little hang to them) to what constitutes normal sex ( cumming on my face is NOT an appropriate sexual request) and realizing that waxing is NOT normal or even desired for many women.

Somewhere in the last fifteen plus years we’ve completely lost all sense of what’s normal where women’s bodies are concerned and then take these unrealistic, abnormal expectations and add them to the already long list of things women must do to land, keep, and please a man. Well, I say enough is enough and my line in the sand begins with my bikini line. Neat is one thing. Bald is another.

And for all the men who say, “Well that’s fine, but i wouldn’t sleep with you or give you head if your girl wasn’t waxed.” I say to you, that’s fine ’cause what one fella won’t do, others gladly will.


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15 Comments
  1. Eric 8 years ago

    i like a lil stuff’n on tha muffin …. post yours …show the world you rockin the bushy bush … i love that …i really can’t stand a bald one …i fell like I’m doing something I shouldn’t be.

  2. BONE 8 years ago

    Let me see your box!

  3. Sharon 8 years ago

    I think this has just become trend that will eventually pass??? I don’t think it matters but I definitely have been hearing this more and more??

  4. Lady Ngo 8 years ago

    I already spoke my piece on the “bald kitty movement” over at SBM but OMG, im glad im not the only person who is anti-cum facials. What the heck. I honestly thought i was alone here. I don’t even give BJs at all and the thought that facials were becoming the norm had me ready to go join a convent and i’m not even Catholic.

    • No Bj’s at all? I find that interesting. May I ask why? LOL at the convent. Yeah…I DEFINITELY feel you on that one.

      • Lady Ngo 8 years ago

        lol, “you’s a damn lie” is the response i usually get lol. Anywho, idk, i guess it was just the stigma comin up that only nasty girls did that. Not to mention that its always the thing that people go to when they are trying to insult you (i.e they say suck my ….) I’ve never really been able to let that go and see it as a positive kind of thing. My husband can get it though if he wants it- and im secretly hoping he won’t but what are the odds of that. Thats my contribution to the marriage- he gets to boldly go where no peen has gone before lol.

        • lol. Fair enough. I’d work through those “it’s nasty” issues though before you get married. It will make it a better experience for all involved:-)

  5. PurpleJeli 8 years ago

    Too funny! I actually get bald from time to time (yes, even when I’m not going on vacation or to a beach) because it feels smoother, but I’ve since switched to a neat bikini line. It’s more adult and I don’t resemble my 9 year old!!!

  6. Lisa 8 years ago

    You made some good points. I personally do shave but with a electric shaver [ like what men use to shave their face; just a little more delicate] and I like to leave a strip at the top. I don’t like the hair because it seems to hold more moisture and odors. I’m more comfy with less hair. Even though I shave, my vagina area still resembles one of an adult.

    • LOL. I’m not knocking women for shaving. I’m knocking men who seem to beleive it’s their right to tell a woman what she should do with her lady parts – especially when you back track as little as 5/10 years ago no man was insisting a woman shave.

  7. FREAKYP 8 years ago

    i don’t see how someone saying they don’t want hair on the lady the choose to be with is under the same umbrella of their kitty looking like a child’s private parts cause theres no hair on it i read the list of bald vs hair but i anti bout to eat a chick out and she rocking a fro plus hair be locking in more than moisture how about some hot ass smells i don’t mind it being trimmed low but a fro on the kitty don’t work 4 me.

    • To each his own. I don’t do bald. And I assure you have no problems with folk dining on the kitty either. 🙂

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