Why Steve Harvey Can Take His Book and Shove It

Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey: Think Like An Idiot

I haven’t read Harvey’s latest book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, which is apparently a treatise for all us young and single gals who are out and about looking for love. I’ve heard Harvey speak on relationship topics before and his advice usually consists in some form of:

“keep your panties on, be docile and submissive, but have your own ish ’cause no man is looking to take care of you.”

Or something along those lines.

Here’s the deal: Any man who starts his “advice” from a stereotypical traditional patriarchal point of view that assumes a woman is the sum of her body parts isn’t worth listening to. You worth is not tied to your vagina and the only time being submissive and docile are worth your time is if that is who you are naturally.

The only time you lose your self respect as a woman when dealing with a man is when you allow him (or anyone) define who you are and what you’re worth. The only time you need to seek relationship advice in a book is if you’re so clueless on how to relate to the opposite sex that you need some basic rules to follow and even then you’re best asking your girlfriend who has her ish together.

I’m a fan of common sense advice. The kind that allows you to make smart choices based on what you want, what you need and who you are, not on who society (or Steve Harvey) thinks you should be. The sooner women realize that “The Prize’ isn’t your goodies, but your mind body and soul, the better off your relationships will be and the need for advice from a relationship book will be unnecessary.

  1. Robin Monique 15 years ago

    Ok, were you walking around inside my head today? I did a very similar post about this book so I’m feeling you 100% on this. Great post by the way. I guess great minds think alike!

  2. MzVirgo 15 years ago

    I haven’t read the book, but I have heard some horrible things about his last divorce. I know he is currently married, but I wouldn’t want to take advice from someone who has been married 3 times. Great post!

  3. JustSayin 15 years ago

    Just found this website browsing around for Steve Harvey. Looks interesting. Re: Steve’s book. I haven’t read it but I did see him on Oprah. I don’t agree with everything he said (90 days?…really?) but I do appreciate him saying these things. Most of us have common sense but a lot of us DON’T. Blame it on whatever but there are a lot of chicks out here that were once daughters that were just never told this or at least from a male point of view. It can’t hurt.

  4. ed 15 years ago


    Sometimes the best advice you can get is from someone who been married 3-4 times so you can not end up like them.

    I know a female who is 35 and married 4 times! I let her talk all day and night so I can never be like her.

    I see the book title of “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” and I see your point.

    In a real relationship, all people should want is [place person name here] to act and think like [place same person name here]

  5. Revonne21 15 years ago

    I see your point, about not wanting to read it, but i however did purchase the book. I’m a educated black woman,and i work in Oakland as an after-school program coordinator. I have been fortunate to have alot of great male friends in my life so what Steve Harvey is saying in this book hasn’t really come as a surprise to me because i’ve heard it before, but its good to hear it from someone that isn’t part of your life so they aren’t bias. Although alot of it is common sense, but lets be honest sometimes us women,let common sense go out the window for that fine, Hill Harper or Morris Chestnut look alike and that’s where i think this book comes in handy if you don’t have any “real” male friends. By “real”,i mean males friends that have given up on trying to sleep with you and are really now just your friends. In the book thus far, Steve Harvey hasn’t said anything we haven’t already known deep down inside or what our mothers didn’t tell us growing up. No we are not defined by our sexuality and yes we are much more than that, and he does acknowledge that in the book. I’m not trying to sell you on the book or anyone else for that matter, because how you feel is how you feel, but if you have a chance skim through it,i’m sure there are some topics in there that will catch your interest. Normally i wouldn’t have bought this book first because they only had it in Hardback(too damn expensive..lol),second because i just never really was into dating/relationship advice books,but when my dad,older and younger brother,and two of my guy friends over 30 one whom is engaged were talking about to me,i had to check it out. I’ve read alot of your blogs on sisterlicious and girl you are fierce, and seem to play by your own rules and make sure the men in your life do as well,not every woman is fortunate enough to be like that,so maybe they could use this book.
    Stay BBB(Blessed,Black and Beautiful) Revonne

  6. […] white women do. If this is the year you’re serious about finding your future husband, skip the relationship books and hit the gym instead. Not only will you lose the weight, but you might find him working out next […]

  7. MsB 15 years ago

    I don’t quite understand how you can say he can take his book and shove it when you haven’t read the book yet. Over the years we’ve all heard some of his opinions on this topic of relationships. I DO want to read the book to get a better idea of what he has to say. Not because he’s GOD and knows all. More because I agree with a lot of the things I’ve heard him say in interviews. Things I’ve already known for myself to be true and hearing someone else say it, while putting some humour is great. I agree MzVirgo. Those that have been around the block a few times are sometimes the ones with the best advice. Take the book for what it is. His opinions based on his own life and those around him. As real women who know themselves already, we done know what we’re worth. We’re more than our goodies. Men are different. No matter how much they do know our worth, it’s the other head they think with 1ST. Especially when they don’t even know you yet. It’s just how it is. Could be our eyes, lips, ass, whatever. It’s bait that catches their attention. Remember men are visual. Once they are hooked to our eyes, lips, ass, etc, then they will want to know more.

  8. caroline 15 years ago


    I’ve been saying, FOR YEARS, that MY (personal opinion) most prized possession is not what’s between my legs, but what is most intangible; my heart and a piece of my mind. It certainly doesn’t mean I go spreading my legs to any ole body, but I find a lot of peace of mind knowing that I own myself (literally) and don’t allow myself to be eroticized and objectified based on my vagina. I really feel like it’s progressive, 21st century, forward-thinking.

  9. jojo 15 years ago

    Taking advice froma man married 3 times. I think he is wrote this book due to his alimony payments. You can fool some of the people some of the time. Bottom line Steve is not someone I would take advise from.

  10. tami 15 years ago

    You should read the book first, then your article would sound more intelligent.

  11. r-u-serious-lmao 15 years ago


    I’ve read the book and it is NOTHING like the “description” in this blog.

  12. anne 15 years ago

    I think you saying thaqt “SH can take is book and shove it” without first reading it, is a very idiotic statement. How can you possibly judge something so prejudically without knowing what you are judging? I am a white woman. I read the book and found the advice very powerful. Something women should know automatically, but we put ourselves into denial when it comes to guys, because there are guys and then there are men. Just like there are ladies and there are gals. Even though Harvey has been married, divorced and accused of many things…..and even, if it those allegations are somewhat true, perhaps he has learned from his mistakes??? Try judging it…. after you have read it…or perhaps you spread your legs, way too soon in relationships and feel the brunt pain of guilt?

    I don’t need advice from a man telling me how I need to run my sex life. If you were a regular reader of this blog then you’d know I don’t feel guilt when it comes to sex. I “spread my legs” when I feel like…not a moment before…and for no other reason than because I want to. I have little tolerance for men who solely judge women based on how many people they’ve slept with. You have to do what’s comfortable for you and no man can tell you what is.

  13. anne 15 years ago

    quote: “I don’t need advice from a man telling me how I need to run my sex life”.

    It doesn’t sound like you listen to anyone but yourself and your own advice so ‘go girl’.
    The fact that you call a vagina ‘pussy’ shows me you have very little personal integrity, let alone feminity. No real woman would refer to herself as “pussy’ that is a term guys use.
    No, not even a real man would use that verbage. Perhaps you like the word ‘cunt’ also?

    smh. Did you even read the article? Or are you just hung up on the word “pussy? Obviously we don’t see eye to eye on these things, but spare me the sanctimonious bullshit.

  14. anne 15 years ago

    quote; “Taking advice from a man married 3 times. I think he is wrote this book due to his alimony payments. You can fool some of the people some of the time. Bottom line Steve is not someone I would take advise from.”

    First, don’t shoot the contents of the book, because of the messenger. Judge it for his own merits. Let’s face it, everyone who write a book, writes it for profit. Some write them for both the message and profit.

  15. Jordyn 15 years ago

    I liked Steve’s book. He seemed on track to me. The sad part is that a man has to tell us to woman up. He didn’t say anything in those 270 some odd pages that many of us don’t already know – we just don’t always do… So read the book Brown Sugar – you just might find out that he may just be worth listening to.

  16. bria 15 years ago

    I’m sorry…He has too much drama in his own life…I’m also a believer of practicing what you preach. Now he’s got a pyt as a wife and she’s a beauty…but he needs 2 go back and tie those loose ends from his previoius ass relationship…FIRST. Come out with a book that’s called, ‘I fu$%ed up, but this is where I am now, y’all!!’ I might buy it.

    My former pastor told me the only thing a divorced person can tell me to do is how to get divorced, NOT stay married.

    Fortunately (for his pocketbook) there are lost souls who will shell out money for verbs, adjectives and anecdotes that are spouted by a celeb.

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