Pussy is Not the Greatest Gift You Can Give a Man

Pussy

You’re More Than Just Your Pussy

I’ve never subscribed to the notion that pussy is the most sacred gift I can give a man. I reserve that for my heart and my mind. – Joan Morgan

That quote is how I live my love life.

I sleep with a man for no other reason than I want to. It’s not any more complicated than that. I’m not fretting over when is a good time to sleep with a man. I’m not worrying on whether he will call me the next day. My sexual activity is solely based on what I want and when I want it.

Too often women subscribe to sexual mores created by everyone else, but by the one person who really matters: themselves.

Here’s the deal: No one knows what’s best for you and your sex life then you do. If you feel like you should wait until marriage, great. If all you want to do is jump his bones and figure out the rest later, great. If you want to apply a 30-60 or 90-day rule to the men you meet, that’s fabulous too. The point is no one and I mean NO ONE is in a position to tell you how to live your sex life.

From the time we’re little girls us ladies get the message that out goodies are a gift to bestowed upon some deserving man. The problem with this message is that it sets up a market economy for pussy. Instead of sex being about your pleasure it solely becomes about someone else’s pleasure and desire. Never in any of the conversations most young girls receive about sex is their pleasure, needs and desire ever mentioned. Our sex is not our own. It’s too be guarded by family (mother and father) and then placed in our ownership until we give it to someone else.

Really?

Am I the only one who thinks that’s really fucked up?

So with the message being our goodies are precious and the sum of our worth, women start bargaining with their lady parts. If he does x, y and z, then I will give some. Oh he seems like a really nice guy, let me give him sum. Oh he’s given me this gold ring…he’s worthy of getting some now. Not only that, but this message of pussy as “the greatest gift” sets up a woman to be judged by how often she’s given it away.

The infamous “how many people have you slept with” question can send an otherwise confident, intelligent woman into waves of shame for fear her “numbers” may be too high. Other women wave their numbers around as a badge of honor to show how worthy they are for love, dating and marriage. All of this sets women up for a lifetime of shame, regret and loss as there is really no “winning” this game. Even virgins who are so lauded for their restraint can find themselves on the downside of the pussy-o-meter if it’s determined that she may not be as pure as she seems.

So sorry for those who believe otherwise, but my worth is not attached to my vagina. Contrary to popular belief sex is not the greatest gift I can give a man. My heart, my mind, hell…my time…are worth a lot more and a lot harder to gain access to than what’s between my legs. I am a sexual being. When the mood strikes, I answer. My desire is mine own, no one else’s. If I sleep with a man and he doesn’t call…fuck him…his loss. If a man has been great to me, but I’m not feeling him like that then..sorry…no goodies for him. If a man wants to take issue about those I’ve slept with in the past then he can keep it stepping…I’m making no apologies or repenting to anyone.

It’s time for women to take charge of their sex lives. Stop letting other people define who you are and how you should live your life. Make the decisions that are best for you and only you then and only then will you have a fulfilling and satisfying love life.

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13 Comments
  1. Laya 10 years ago

    {Amen, preach, and assorted other testifying}

    This is my first visit to your blog, and let me say I am impressed, and I’ll definitely be subscribing.

  2. […] Pussy is Not the Greatest Gift You Can Give a Man I sleep with a man for no other reason then I want to. It’s not any more complicated than that. […]

  3. SingLikeSassy 10 years ago

    I like this. I definitely spent too much of my youth working through “good girl” issues.

  4. Slim Jackson 10 years ago

    This is a great and honest blog post. On my site, we’ve talked about the sexual partner numbers question and I’ve written about the “how soon is too soon” formula. Please take a look around my site at http://www.threewaystotakeit.com. We share both the male and female perspective on a variety of topics that I think you would find interesting based on what you’re doing here. I’ll definitely be back to check out your site again!

  5. Ronni 10 years ago

    Slut.


    As we used to say on the playground: It takes one to know one
    .

  6. Sowhatiff Jenkins 10 years ago

    Great post! We as women too often allow other people to define how we should or should not operate. At the end of the day, I have one judge (as per my faith), the good Lord above. Besides Him, I only have to answer to myself. And I can live with my choices and actions, that’s all that really matters.

  7. Shenitra 10 years ago

    word

  8. Offering 10 years ago

    Pussy is not the gift…The gift is allowing yourself to reach the pinnacle that you so need in ya life…You work hard..You deserve it…Gi dat number…make dat visit..Only when you allow yourself ‘its okay’ can you reach the taste that eve experienced…the word ‘eve’ is a yantric chant you know 🙂 Happy womens history month to all women…do it for me…do it for you

  9. TJ 10 years ago

    I think that sex is a gift, as in something special in terms of being a wonderful experience, but like you said, it is something to be enjoyed by both parties.

  10. Webmistress 10 years ago

    Halleluiah!

    I come from a culture where it’s understood that both men and women want, need and like sex equally (Eastern Europe).

    Since I moved here (17 years ago), I’ve been trying to articulate what’s it like to grow up in the society where judging a woman by the size of her sexual appetites is simply not a concept (unless she turns the proceedings into a soap opera, admittedly). It always felt like I’m trying to teach someone to walk by just talking to them… I guess I was too close to the subject matter.

    Thank you, thank you for putting it in such clear, simple words!

  11. m.dot 10 years ago

    You have a strong writing voice.

    As a Black woman talking about sex, you risk being called 50 million ho’s by broaching the topic.

    Keep doing it.

    I have written a few post that you may be intersted in.

    I Know Why Zane Sells
    http://modelminority.blogspot.com/2008/08/i-know-why-zane-sells.html

    Pussy is a Commodity
    http://modelminority.blogspot.com/2008/04/pssy-is-commodity.html

    and

    If You Want to Change Society, Close Your Legs.
    http://www.racialicious.com/2008/07/03/if-you-want-to-change-society-close-your-legs/

    I would love to hear you write about the impact rap music has on how Black teen girls view their sexuality.

  12. Black Mensa Woman 10 years ago

    Snaps!

    I have never thought of having sex as a “gift” to a man.

    I like the way you put it, though.

    And the dude who called you “slut” has a small penis and poor skills in the sack.

  13. Deryl 10 years ago

    Greetings,

    Sex is as natural as breathing….folks in 3rd world countries, no place to live, no food etc…& the babies keep on coming…why ’cause they are poor…no, sex is natural…..all I can say is BE Shrewed & careful….I digress

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