You’re More Than Just Your Pussy

I’ve never subscribed to the notion that pussy is the most sacred gift I can give a man. I reserve that for my heart and my mind. – Joan Morgan

That quote is how I live my love life.

I sleep with a man for no other reason than I want to. It’s not any more complicated than that. I’m not fretting over when is a good time to sleep with a man. I’m not worrying on whether he will call me the next day. My sexual activity is solely based on what I want and when I want it.

Too often women subscribe to sexual mores created by everyone else, but by the one person who really matters: themselves.

Here’s the deal: No one knows what’s best for you and your sex life then you do. If you feel like you should wait until marriage, great. If all you want to do is jump his bones and figure out the rest later, great. If you want to apply a 30-60 or 90-day rule to the men you meet, that’s fabulous too. The point is no one and I mean NO ONE is in a position to tell you how to live your sex life.

From the time we’re little girls us ladies get the message that out goodies are a gift to bestowed upon some deserving man. The problem with this message is that it sets up a market economy for pussy. Instead of sex being about your pleasure it solely becomes about someone else’s pleasure and desire. Never in any of the conversations most young girls receive about sex is their pleasure, needs and desire ever mentioned. Our sex is not our own. It’s too be guarded by family (mother and father) and then placed in our ownership until we give it to someone else.

Really?

Am I the only one who thinks that’s really fucked up?

So with the message being our goodies are precious and the sum of our worth, women start bargaining with their lady parts. If he does x, y and z, then I will give some. Oh he seems like a really nice guy, let me give him sum. Oh he’s given me this gold ring…he’s worthy of getting some now. Not only that, but this message of pussy as “the greatest gift” sets up a woman to be judged by how often she’s given it away.

The infamous “how many people have you slept with” question can send an otherwise confident, intelligent woman into waves of shame for fear her “numbers” may be too high. Other women wave their numbers around as a badge of honor to show how worthy they are for love, dating and marriage. All of this sets women up for a lifetime of shame, regret and loss as there is really no “winning” this game. Even virgins who are so lauded for their restraint can find themselves on the downside of the pussy-o-meter if it’s determined that she may not be as pure as she seems.

So sorry for those who believe otherwise, but my worth is not attached to my vagina. Contrary to popular belief sex is not the greatest gift I can give a man. My heart, my mind, hell…my time…are worth a lot more and a lot harder to gain access to than what’s between my legs. I am a sexual being. When the mood strikes, I answer. My desire is mine own, no one else’s. If I sleep with a man and he doesn’t call…fuck him…his loss. If a man has been great to me, but I’m not feeling him like that then..sorry…no goodies for him. If a man wants to take issue about those I’ve slept with in the past then he can keep it stepping…I’m making no apologies or repenting to anyone.

It’s time for women to take charge of their sex lives. Stop letting other people define who you are and how you should live your life. Make the decisions that are best for you and only you then and only then will you have a fulfilling and satisfying love life.

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