Sorry Fellas, If She Keys Your Car, It’s All Your Fault

keys your car

She Keys Your Car? You Deserved It

I have a real problem with black men who don’t take responsibility for their actions, or at the very least take responsibility for the possible ramifications of their actions. Case in point, some men beleive that they can string a woman along emotionally and physically for months and not suffer any repressions. However, if in her emotional distress, she keys his car than it is not his fault, she was just a crazy bitch.


It is all your fault.

For reasons that still boggle my mind grown black men (those over 25) still seem to believe that “cut buddy” relationships are a viable coupling option that comes with little ramifications. And this might be true if many of these “relationships” men were having actually were cut buddy in nature to begin with; but they are not. They are pseudo-relationships where men treat the woman in question like she’s his girlfriend, but reserves the right to bounce at any moment with no explanation and no consequences.

‘Cause see a true cut buddy relationship has hard and fast rules. There is no spending the night. There is no quality time together. There’s more moaning than talking, and to be perfectly honest there’s no sharing each other’s life histories, dreams, and desires. Heck, the only reason why I’m calling you is to see when you’re coming over. I don’t see you more than twice a week, and more than likely, the relationship will have run it’s course in three months or so.

Now If you are spending a significant amount of non-sex time with a chick for a period lasting longer than three months I GUARANTEE she’s not thinking this is just a casual, cut buddy relationship. And you as a man know this, but don’t want to stop dealing with her ’cause she’s a nice placeholder until you find someone you really want to be with. And spare me the whole “Well I told her at the beginning of us dealing that I wasn’t looking for a relationship right now” justification. I call bullshit. Not only is that a vague thing to say (not right now…so maybe later?), one conversation at the beginning of a relationship does not then govern the entire relationship from then on out. If you’re playing house with someone don’t get surprised if after awhile she wants the title to go along with it.

It could be argued, and rightly so, a woman should ask where she stands or leave a relationship that isn’t fulfilling to her. And up to a point, I agree with that. But hope springs eternal, and mixed messages are a bitch, so many times people (male and female) cling to the tiniest bit of hope that this more than what it appears to be. And at this moment is when your Decent Human Being Meter should kick in or at the very least I Love My Car and Don’t Want It Keyed Meter should kick in. The reality is if you keeping playing with a person and their emotions KNOWING they want something more than you’re offering then you get what you deserve. Period.

I have NEVER dealt with a man past the point where I realized he wanted more than I was willing to offer. No matter how good the sex was, no matter how cool he was, I ended things. It didn’t matter whether he explicitly told me he wanted a relationship, or i picked up on it through the myriad of non-verbal clues he was ending my way, I ended it. Why? “Cause I’m a decent human being and I’m all about self-preservation. The possible ramifications of continuing to string this dude along weren’t worth it to me. Plus it’s just cruel to play with folk emotions like that. And any man who considers himself a “good guy” or just doesn’t want his shit fucked up should do the same. Anything less and you’re just a bitch; and ultimately deserves whatever drama comes your way, keyed car and all.

So let it be written, so let it be done.







  1. Mr Pleasure You 13 years ago

    Give me a break. Under NO circumstances is it ok for a woman to damage any ones property. If he was honest from the jump its her fault. Just because her feelings are hurt doesn’t mean she can cause thousands of dollars worth of damage. Cutting clothes burning his stuff. It’s completely unjustified. The only time I feel like its ok is if a man unjustifiablly puts his hands on a woman. Then and only then is it ok to fuck his shit up. Hell I will help you. But other then that heart break is a part of life and growth. And please note I am not the type of guy who plays with woman’s hearts for the simple fact that ya’ll are crazy but I don’t condone that type actions from women.

    • And playing with folk emotions is completely unjustified as well. Like I said – you play that game – you deal with the consequences. It’s not a question of right or wrong it just is. I don’t play with folk emotions. Regardless of how “honest” I was up front. If I know you have feelings and I don’t – I let it go. Why? “Cause the consequences of what could happen aren’t worth it to me. When feelings are involved folk do dumb things. Grown Ups know this, so they don’t put themselves in a situation to deal with said consequences.

  2. Kandice 13 years ago

    Wow. This post was my life from the Summer of 2009 all the way to about 6 months ago. He’s lucky I bowed out gracefully, because he definitely deserved to have his car keyed. He got off easy!!

    • Mine got off relatively easy too. Though I did go H.A.M. on Facebook and Twitter more than once. And we had many a text/e-mail battle. But bo car keying or whatnot. THough he swears I stressed him to death and the emotional toll was too much. I was just like – well how do you think I feel. It all ended on New Years Eve 2010 so…started this year off with zero baggage.

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