Better The Jumpoff Than The Wife

In the infamous Myspace Battle between Tiny and some random chick Tiny (allegedly) said the following:

“The only thing you can do is s*ck his d*ck no matter what I HAVE HIS HEART!!”

I have his heart?

What does that mean exactly?

And let’s be real, Tiny isn’t the only woman who subscribes to this train of thought.

It seems like when it comes to famous men, their ladies and their jumpoffs, everyone acts like the jumpoffs are the problem, that somehow if he is your man then you’re the winner in the, I Got Me a Baller Sweepstakes. The reality however, is quite different. In my opinion the jumpoff is the winner, and here’s why:

1. I Have His Heart

Really? So what does having his heart mean exactly? He likes you a lot? He loves you? We know it doesn’t mean sexual fidelity. Does it mean he’ll be there for wifey if she’s sick? She’ll be there for him if he’s sick? What? Does it mean that it’s special when wifey sucks his dick, ’cause let’s be real…she’s sucking his dick too. And here’s the thing…what makes wifey think he doesn’t like/love the jumpoff?

2. He Takes Care of Me

Okay…but to quote T.I.’s latest joint – It ain’t tricking if you got it. And anyone whose read any of Karrine’s books knows that ballers don’t mind dropping major cash on The Other Woman. So it doesn’t seem like wifey is getting a leg up on the jumpoff in this category either. Yes, if you’re married there are legal protections there…but it doesn’t stop the jumpoff from getting broke off…and if she’s smart, any big ticket item she gets will be in her name, so legally the wife wouldn’t be able to touch them if they ended up in divorce or upon his death. So you got Louis and she’s got Louis…seems like a draw to me. And if you’re just the girlfriend and not the wife…well…

3. I”m the Mother of His Children

Ask Kim, Diddy’s ex how well that’s worked out for her. Diddy’s jumpoff in Atlanta got his baby too and will be getting fat checks as well. Nuff said.

4. Quality Time

So the wifey gets quality time? She goes on vacations and other expensive trips. Sure, but so does the jumpoff. Going back to the Jumpoff Bible…Steffans went on many a expensive trip and stayed in many an expensive hotel on somebody else’s man’s dime. My homeboy used to do marketing and PR for some of Miami’s top clubs and when D. Wade and Hoopz were dating he used to see them out and abou….his wife was at home…pregnant…with his other son.

So I ask again: How is wifey the winner in all of this? The Other Woman is doing quite nicely. She’s getting money that could be spent on wifey and her kids. She’s getting time that could be spent with wifey and her kids.

Presumably, the jumpoff doesn’t have to deal with him when he’s tired, sick, injured or what not. She gets all the good times while wifey gets everything else. Wifey’s home with the kids, while her man is out and about with The Other Woman.

So really, what does wifey have that the jumpoff doesn’t have?

His Heart?

Yeah.

Okay.

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